Breakfast Stories

Tory: Is someone reading us in a book?

Johanna: Are we a story in a book? Maybe. It’d be a pretty dark comedy.

Tory: Maybe we're a book in Spanish.

Thane: It's a bad translation.

Fascism v America

With the administrations recent attempts to retake the work ‘Fascist’ and make it apply to people other than them, everyone and their dog is feeling the need to put in their 2ยข. Here is mine.

First and foremost, I am opposed to fascism. I am opposed to it in any form, be it theocratic, aristocratic or democratic. Fascism is bad, folks. You heard it here first.

As I was digging around for source material, I came across

Fourteen Defining Characteristics Of Fascism by Dr. Lawrence Britt

. I cannot attest to this document having any more value than any other. Its primary accomplishments are (a) being ranked highly by Google for the word ‘fascism’ and (b) amusing me. Why did it amuse me? I immediately began looking at it as a check list for this administration. Sort of a contest of Fascism versus the Soul of America.

1. Powerful and Continuing Nationalism

1 Point Fascism.

2. Disdain for the Recognition of Human Rights

2 Points Fascism.

3. Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause

3 Points Fascism. Come on America!

4. Supremacy of the Military

Folks, it looked like a close call, but after reading the definition:

Even when there are widespread
domestic problems, the military is given a disproportionate amount of government funding, and the domestic agenda is neglected. Soldiers and military service are glamorized.

it is an easy point for the fascists.

5. Rampant Sexism

Hey folks, I think we can win this one!

The governments of fascist nations tend to be almost exclusively male-dominated. Under fascist regimes, traditional gender roles are made more rigid. Divorce, abortion and homosexuality are suppressed and the state is represented as the ultimate guardian of the family institution.

Abortion is still holding, though tenuously. Divorce seems unchallenged. However, homosexuality is under assault. It could be argued that gender roles are stiffening, but I am willing to give this one to the administration. So far the score is Fascists 4, America 1.

6. Controlled Mass Media

Arguments can be made for this, what with Fox News and the administrations ham-fisted to suppress information, but on the whole, we are doing OK here.

7. Obsession with National Security

Point Fascism.

8. Religion and Government are Intertwined

There have been more attempts this administration than any other I remember, but they have not made that much progress… yet. Still, score one for America.

9. Corporate Power is Protected

Point Fascism.

10. Labor Power is Suppressed

Hmmm… Not sure where I fall on this. I will give them the benefit of the doubt. Fascists 6, America 4.

11. Disdain for Intellectuals and the Arts

You can argue this one if you want, but I think that the administration gets this one. The way they are treating the FDA and NASA, as well as the joke that is funding for the arts… it does not bode well. Point Fascism.

12. Obsession with Crime and Punishment

Patriot Act! Enemy Combatants! Point Fascism!

13. Rampant Cronyism and Corruption

Can I give them 2 marks for this one? I guess not. Point Fascism.

14. Fraudulent Elections

Ooooohhh they tried. They are still trying. Diebold is one example (why anyone is still believing their BS is beyond me). However, from

The Raw Story

we have this

A nation-wide push for laws to target voter fraud is likely to disqualify many who are legally eligible to vote, the PBS program NOW will claim in a segment tomorrow night titled, “Your right to vote — is it under assault?”

Still, they have not gotten it yet. 1 point America.

Well folks, there you have it. The fascists in the administration are crushing the soul of America 9 to 5. Sleep well and think free.

Milkmen for Stuart

Monroe, thank you. This is a beautiful thing. A truly beautiful legacy to leave for my son.

The Dead Milkmen play “Stuart” off of Beelzebubba

Now Stuart, if you look at the soil around any large U.S. city with a big
underground homosexual population – Des Moines, Iowa, perfect example.
Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart. You can’t build on it, you
can’t grow anything in it. The government says it’s due to poor farming.
But I know what’s really going on, Stuart. I know it’s the queers.
They’re in it with the aliens. They’re building landing strips for gay
Martians. I swear to God.

You know what Stuart, I like you. You’re not like the other people, here
in the trailer park.

A List, B List or Shit List

“Did you read my blog today?”

“No, not yet. I haven’t yet added it to my blog list.”

“You should.”

“Now the tender question of A list or B list.”

[much laughing]

“Oh no! You’re going to blog this, aren’t you? I read about this in other people’s blogs. It’s not supposed to happen to me.”

The Ultimate Norton Family Car

So, I have a dream car. Take a Subaru Outback, put a hybrid engine in it. Now strech the thing out about 3′. With all this extra room, we will be widening the doors. Either sliding doors (both sides) or double doors with no central column. Front doors remain conventional. Now, add two rear facing seats begind the two front seats, so that they share footspace with the rear bench. Bench and second row both fold down to make a big trunk.

Zappa on Crossfire

The man himself: “The biggest threat to America today is not
Communism. It’s moving America toward a fascist theocracy, and
everything thats happened during the Reagan administration is
steering us right down that pipe.”

You shoot a person. You have sex with a person.
One is legal to show, the other is legal to do.

That is so wrong.

The Truth v. The Facts

Before I go off on a couple of rants, I wanted to clarify something.
Some people get the truth and the facts confused. Just because
something is true does not make it factual. For example, sometimes
in the forest, you will see a ring of mushrooms growing. Why do they
grow in a ring? Well, there is a fungus that grows from a central
point and only puts up fruit on it’s periphery. That is the facts.
The truth is that, on the nights of the full moon, fairies come out
to dance in the moonlight. They dance in circles, and where their
feet land, mushrooms grow. If you sleep within one of these fairy
rings, they may take umbrage and cart you off to Arcadia.

With this in mind, I think that the Bible is the truth, I just don’t
think it has much to do with the facts.

Free Bad Coffee!

WTF! OMG! Free coffee does not suck. As much as I may not like Starbucks, I love coffee, and I love free. Make sure you hit the freestanding Starbucks. They would not take the card at the one in Freddies.

Update: This is legit, folks. Call Starbucks at 1-800-235-2883 if you have problems at any locations.

Update 2: Hurm. It may just be for an “iced coffee” not any drink. I am checking with Starbucks.

Update 3: Just coffee over ice. Ick.