thane March 15th, 2008
Stuart pooped on the potty! Twice in two days! Today he announced ‘poop’. Johanna said ‘Stuart, do you want to poop on the potty?’ He got all excited, jumped out of bed and came downstairs. To the bathroom where dad got him up there and, low and behold, he pooped! And there was much rejoicing.
thane March 10th, 2008
We arrive at the Relativelies, and Stuart catches sight of Clio
Stuart: cl-LOO-LOO! cl-LOO-LOO!
Me: That’s right! There is Clio.
Stuart: cl-LOO! cl-LOO!
We get inside and Clio shares some news with me.
Clio: Uncle Thane! You want to know something sad?
Me: Sure.
Clio: Our cat died.
It died a while ago, but she tells me about it every time I see her.
Me: That is sad.
Clio: That means we can’t kill it, and that’s a problem.
Cue laughter.
thane December 30th, 2007
My daughter is training to be Attorney General of the U.S. of A. When asked where a particular member of a nondescript class of objects might be, she responded thusly:
I don’t know what you are talking about, and whatever you are talking about, I don’t know where it is.
thane December 5th, 2007
Once there was a princess, and when she was sixteen, she begged her mother to be allowed to go outside the castle. And her mother said yes. And as soon as she had left, a witch swooped down on her broom, and frightened the princess so much that she stopped. And the princess called for her fairy godmother. And the fairy godmother said, “I cannot help you, but I can send a prince to help.”
insert long gender discussion here
“Oh,” said the prince, “I can help you.” And he lifted the princess in his arms, and rode away as fast as he could. Unfortunately, she fell off. By that time, it was night, so she made a cozy blanket and pillow with leaves and feathers she found, and fell fast asleep.
When she woke, she found she was in a castle. Hoping it was her mother’s and father’s castle, she got up and got dressed. But to her surprise, she saw that it was a wicked wizard’s castle. When the wicked wizard found her, he picked her up and chained her in the lowest dungeon.
And she called, “Fairy godmother!” and her fairy godmother was soon there, asking, “What?” And she said, “Help me out of this dungeon!” And quickly, by magic, her fairy godmother made a knife appear out of thin air, and cut the chains. When the wizard saw she was out, he quickly put her outside and roped her to a tree. And then the prince came by; seeing she was roped to a tree, drew his sword, and cut the ropes. She said thank you, and he took her home to his father’s palace.
His father thanked the prince for rescuing the princess, and quickly arranged a wedding. And they were married the very next morning in great happiness, and lived the rest of their lives together.
The End
By Tory Norton,
November 24, 2007
thane December 5th, 2007
Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there was a maid. And the maid wanted to b e a princess, because she didn’t want to do chores any more. And there was a ball coming. And every maid in the land was invited.
There was a prince there who would choose a maiden as his wife. And he made an announcement when the ball came: he said whoever was facing him the quietest would be his bride. And all the other princesses were turned towards each other, saying “The prince will choose me, the prince will choose me.”
And they were all wearing the most beautiful dresses they had, and little satin slippers, a pearl necklace, a pearl bracelet, pearl earrings, and a pearl ring. She was the only one facing him very quietly and the prince chose her. But she wasn’t so sure about him, and she begged to leave him for just one day, but this was a trick so she could get away. And the prince said, “Alright, you can leave me for just one day.” And so the princess loaded up her stuff and ran out the door. And she slept at her house the next night, and went about her chores the next day.
And she went about looking for a prince to marry.
Wasn’t she already married?
Yes, but she got in a divorce, because of the trick she played on the prince.
And she finally found a man she wanted to marry. And the very next day they got their marriage, but little did the princess know that it was really a wicked wizard! And he had agreed to marry her, so he could play evil on her. But he didn’t know what to do first, to play evil. Luckily in his pocket he had a list of evil thoughts.
And he finally found one that would be a good idea. And he said to her, “This is not a very good place; I’m going to take you to a better place.” But he was playing a trick on her, so he could take her to the tower. And he led her to a staircase, which led to the tower. And he said, “Here, follow me” and they walked up the staircase together. And he left from there, and went down one step, and locked her there in the tower. And the princess wept with sad tears out the window with no glass, and her tears hit the ground, and made little tiny pools, like a mouse swimming pool. And the mice thought it was a swimming pool for them, so they shouted as loud as they could, “Thank you!” up to the princess. “Thank you!”
But the princess couldn’t hear little mouse calls. And the wizard was happy. But the princess was not so happy. But one day, a real, lovely prince came riding by on his horse. And his horse’s name was Gallup Gallup. And he saw the princess stuck in the tower. And he said to the princess, “How ever did you get stuck up there?” And the princess said, “A wicked wizard tricked me” and the prince said, “How did he trick you?” “He said the place I was at wasn’t so good, and he told me he would take me to a better place, and then he led me up the tower, showed me around the place, steped down one step, and locked me in the towerr.” And he said, “Ooh! Very hsndy!” And the princess said, “What? Me beingstuck in the tower?” And the prince frowned.
And then he said, ” I wouldn’t say it was handy, you being stuck in the tower.”And then he said, “The handy part is that I brought a ladder with me!” And then he said, “Look. Here’s my ladder.” And he put a ladder up to her window. And the princess said, “Oh! Very, very much thank you” and she climbed down. And he took her to his father’s kingdom, and they were married happily ever after.
The End
by Tory
November 14, 2007
thane December 5th, 2007
Once upon a time there were twelve princesses, and there was a rug with jaggedies on either side. It was in the middle of the princesses’ bedroom, and down that rug there were 12 beds, one for each of the princesses. And each night when their father looked at them, their shoes were worn to holes. And their father made an announcement. Whichever man came to come and find out how the princesses’ shoes were worn to holes would have half the kingdom, and not just that, but be able to choose a princess as his wife. And suitors came from far and near to try their luck, but went home with no princess.
And finally, after all this had come to pass, a man set out on his journey. And his name was Eric. And on the way he met a woman who gave him an apple tree, and said, “Plant this tree and water it with this special water, and in no time it will be all grown up. Then pick an apple from it, and make a wish. Take a bite of it, and before you know it, your wish will come true.” And he thanked the old lady and took the special water and the apple tree.
And he planted the apple tree and watered it with the special water, and then he wished that he could become invisible, to see if he could get a princess. And he quickly became invisible. And he went to the bedroom of the twelve princesses, and when the small door was closed behind them and locked, they didn’t get into bed and sleep. Instead they got dressed in their finest clothing and the oldest princess turned them all very, very small, because she turned them into fairies. And they flew out through a hole in the ceiling. And Eric followed them.
And soon they came to some boats — twelve boats — with a prince holding the oars of each, and they climbed into the boats, and sailed across the river. And they walked up a pathway to a magnificent ball building, and they danced all night. And then they went back home, and their shoes were worn into holes.
And the man told the king what he had seen, and the king said, “Well done!” And he asked, “Which princess do you want for a reward?” And the man said, “I will choose Princess Heala” who was the youngest, and the king said, “You shall have half my kingdom as well.” And when the king died, the man became king, and the princess who had married him became queen.
The End
by Tory,
11/13/07
thane July 18th, 2007
Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Tory. And her mom’s
name was Joh. And her baby brother’s name was Stuart.
Stuart was taking a nap, and Tory had just read “Jack and the
Beanstalk.” Before that, she had read, “Hansel and Gretel.”
Stuart liked to eat carrots. Tory liked to eat treats, such as
chocolate ice cream, chocolate bars, and Halloween candy.
Tory liked to play with her mom. It was her favorite thing to do
with her mom. She liked to play Doctor’s Office, and card games like
Old Maid, War, Crazy Eights, and Go Fish. She also liked to play
with her toys, like her train set.
thane June 23rd, 2007
Scene: Family eating sushi. Tory is eating a cream puff with chocolate on it. No, I don’t understand what a cream puff has to do with sushi or japan, but when it goes by on the conveyor belt, the girl is going to want to eat it. Especially if the thing is bigger than both her fists put together.
Joh: I am too full. I want one of those (indicates cream puff) but I am too full.
Me: We could take one home.
Joh: No, not interested. I just want one now.
Me: You could ask Tory for a little bite.
Joh: I am too full even for that.
Tory: (Chocolate coats her face and hands) I wouldn’t have given you a bite anyway.
thane June 23rd, 2007
Tory: I’m not going to wear this hat.
Joh: Tory, you need to pick your final outfit so we can leave.
Me (gameshow voice): Is that your final outfit?
General laughter.
Me: “Who wants to be on time?”
I fall down laughing.
DayQuil rocks.
thane June 12th, 2007
Some things that have happened in my long hiatus:
So. How are things with you?